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| I haven't seen the movie, just so you know |
My Life may not be best described by the movie title "It's
a Wonderful Life", but at least it's not as bad as say
"Titanic"; although many days I would say it's "Lost and
Delirious", on others it feels like "Life is a Circus, Charlie Brown";
though not a description of my life per se, I hope the title "I'll Sleep
When I'm Dead" staves off the exhaustion felt by my sleepless curse; but
perhaps, and not in a good way, of late my life would be best described by the
title "As Good as It Gets"; I do however, endeavor to one day
announce to the world my life is best proclaimed by the title "What's So
Bad About Feeling Good?"....
So, here we are at the end of yet another tedious week full
of little more than typical daily drudgery... or was it, yes it was.
Although some highlights include the eight hour blog writing
marathon on Monday, as I desperately tried to complete last week's blog post a
day late. This week I also partook in the celebration of one of my friend's
birthdays. In the morning I took her an ice cream cake from Marble Slab, and we
serenaded her with a beautiful (not really, two people should not sing unless
they are professionals) rendition of Happy Birthday. Later that evening we
(four of us) continued the celebration with an elegant (perhaps too elegant for
me, as I had no idea the true identity of anything on the menu) dinner at a
very beautiful, albeit expensive, restaurant hidden away in Fish Creek
Park. Most of the week I spent a lot of
time waiting in my car for people (well one person), while they were in
appointments or school or what have you. I also spent an even greater time
driving, and driving, and so much driving. But that just starts announcing the
mundane aspects of my week that I had hoped to keep out like; showering,
eating, not eating, taking pills, not sleeping, hating to cook, watching TV,
not wanting to watch TV, helping people, not helping people - I am pretty sure
you get the gist of it... J
My son had his 2nd last rTMS treatment on Friday, which is
when I discovered they are going to take a 'wait and see' approach following
the completion of his rTMS treatments. I am not sure I approve of the plan, as
my experience has been such that this 'plan' provides the opportunity for an
earlier relapse. However, seeing how each individual can have a different
outcome in relation to the frequency of follow up sessions needed, otherwise
known as maintenance, I am left with little evidence to argue with their
decision. Should I be right (hopefully I am not this time, although it would be
the first time in my life J)
then I will battle with them on the cost of the solution to regain his victorious
outcome. In the meantime, we will
celebrate the success of the treatment that has given him a new outlook on
life, and the renewed opportunity for a great future. I will endeavour to keep
a handle on his condition, as much as one can stay in the loop of a teenager's
life, so as to ensure that if there is a setback we catch it early.
As for my rTMS, which I have told no one until now -
including my pdoc - I have decided to cease any further treatments, following
this week's session. My reason for this is, hmmm... Well I guess, for me, it's
time to cut the cord; to see if I can go this without the constant magnetic
manipulation of my brain. I don't mean this in a bad way either. I still firmly
believe in rTMS, and I will still fight for its inclusion in insurance and
government coverage. I will probably go back for maintenance treatments, as required,
but for now I need to step back and see what happens. I have not heard/seen, in
ALL of my research, anyone needing the number of maintenance treatments I have
had, which either makes me unique to the world, or more likely a lot crazier
than the entire human populace. In either case, to better understand that, and
to determine the true requirement for me to remain stable or even better to
advance to a healthier mental state, I need to step back and re-evaluate who I
am now and my true psychological condition.
In my continued fight for rTMS to be available to ALL, I am
still trying to finish the government form letters I have mentioned, allowing
others to encourage government leaders and insurance companies to embrace this
'medical treatment'. I am also still formulating the Facebook page for the same
endeavor. I am just trying to overcome the procrastination that seems to plague
most of my life. There is also one more thing I want to achieve, a far more
immense task then the two mentioned, but every bit as relevant to this cause. I
want to establish an International Association/Society/Council that will strive
towards uniformed standards of rTMS delivery/protocols/regulations/parameters
whatever the name, whatever the 'accepted' terminology the desired outcome will
be the same; Doctors administering rTMS will become members of this elite group
and adopt procedures and practices that they ALL agree will provide the
greatest success for their patients. This will also help by way of
strategizing/normalizing clinical trials, to formulate true outcomes based on
consistent data. I, personally, have had
enough of the chaos that is currently plaguing the progress of this treatment.
With almost every doctor administering their own version of the treatment, the
results (successes and failures) are so inconsistent that it leaves the door
wide open for the misinterpretation of the efficacy of this technological
advancement in mental healthcare, thereby providing the government and
insurance companies the justification to pronounce this treatment, as nothing
more than experimental. Is there more to learn about, and advance with this
technology, hellz ya, but that is no different than any other medical
technology or practice. All medical devices, medications, and even surgical
practices, are routinely updated, changed, improved, or even replaced because
of new technology or discovery of new scientific understanding. It takes on
average 12 years for a new drug to make its way from the research lab to the
patient, so why then has rTMS still remained classified as an experimental
treatment although it has been in use for 20 years (including approval for
depression by Health Canada in 2002, by the FDA in 2008 (reclassified to Class
II in 2011), and perhaps given more time and patience I could provide you the
date it was approved in Europe? Well according to some additional research
(directed more towards the US, as their information is more readily available)
it appears, in the United States that several private insurance companies have
started to cover rTMS. However, when you have organizations like the Centers
for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS), previously known as the Health Care
Financing Administration (HCFA), a federal agency within the United States
Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) deciding that, "... the
evidence is insufficient to determine rTMS improves health outcomes in the
Medicare or general population. ... The contractor considers repetitive
transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS) not medically necessary when used for
its FDA-approved indication and for all off-label uses.", it makes the
task of getting rTMS coverage that more difficult, and the indication for
consistency within studies that more evident.
On a less political note, it is with great pride that I
announce I am within reaching distance of 10,000 views of my blog. Sure it may
not be Justin Bieber's history making record of 2 billion views on his official
YouTube channel, or Eminem's third place record of 42,100,441 likes on Facebook,
or even Lady Gaga's Twitter top spot grabbing with 11,301,137 followers, but it
is still humbling, surprising, and awesome. I have been viewed in over 92
countries around the globe. The top viewed post of my repertoire of 218 posts,
since my blogs inception on December 30, 2011, would be my September 2, 2012
post entitled "Where Has Dan Been?????" sitting at 614 views as of
today. Not one of my other posts has traveled more of this increasingly
shrinking world than it.
That has been my week, for better or for worse. Not one for
the record books, or even page 142 of the Sunday paper, but it is mine and I
guess that is how I chose to live it (maybe not completely my choice, but I
still had my hand in it). Perhaps, as I have promised and mentioned in numerous
posts, I will complete those letters this week and make at least a step towards
completion or even just starting the compilation of information for the rTMS
Facebook page. No promises on the founding of the International Council of rTMS
Clinicians and Doctors, probably not going to happen this week.
Talk to y'all next week...
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