Well HELLO World!!!!!

Dear Folks and Furries – it has definitely been a long time since I have sat and put the proverbial “pen to paper” and shared on my blog, for this I am truly sorry.  Excuses I have plenty, but I will forbid myself from wasting your time with them. Just know I have missed this dialog, albeit one-sided J

Life has been moving forward. With or without me it just plods ahead... I haven’t been doing anything exciting, although I did find another candidate for rTMS and they had great success with it, a truly amazing change that has completely rejuvenated them.

I still have great success with the rTMS treatments, except I just cannot seem to hold onto the positive change for longer than a week or two since being taken off Vyvanse. I am still getting treatments, but since my pdoc changed back down to once every two weeks things have gone downhill.

I am a depressed, suicidal mess... But I have a couple of things that until completed shall be my anchor to life (and so far that is working, not perfectly but it’s better than nothing for now).

Bollocks...  I thought I would have more to say when I started this entry.

My pdoc has decided he wants to concentrate purely on my depression, and leave the ADHD and Anxiety until after we get a handle on the “sad-face time”. I am of another mind (and when one does a comparison of my pdocs education and experience vs. my education and experience – I am obviously the more informed person in this relationship) one that feels we should tackle all three simultaneously. Simple really: Gabapentin for anxiety, a hit of Strattera for the ADHD, and more rTMS treatments for the depression and BOOM - mofo I be allllllllll better.... J

I should note that my pdoc did prescribe Nabilone (y’all go look it up) – one of its uses is to help people

with PTSD and their nightmares in stage two and three of sleep. Well it seems this dreaming pattern can also happen in people with BP. I accidentally “better” explained some of my sleeping issues to my pdoc; one being dreaming instantly after falling asleep – vivid intense (not scary, actually quite mundane) but so detailed and in “full HD”, it was like I never actually slept just went from one world to the next and when finally dragging myself out of bed I was always exhausted (that and only 2 to 4 hours of broken sleep). So this Nabilone, even after just one small dose, took those dreams and literally dimmed them and made them more elementary. Once I increased the dose over a period of time, those dreams have since stopped – I actually get to sleep (it’s not perfect, I still wake lots – but it is easier to fall back asleep and I get anywhere from 4 to 6 hours of broken sleep – so bonus). Although I must also admit I still require a shit-load of sleeping meds on top of that, perhaps one day I will try and wean off of some and see what happens.

Hopefully with the freshness and sense of renewal that comes with Spring things will get better and brighter – until then one day at a time. Right now in my life I have NO reason to be feeling this way, absolutely NO reason – yet here I am fighting off tears, sadness, suicide – Bipolar YOU SUCK!

Until next time Blogonians [blawg-awn-ee-uh n]s...

Dan