Is This Really worth It????

I’m not talking about life this time J I’m questioning whether this blog has any real purpose or point? I mean it started with me wanting to share my experience with rTMS, but then it morphed into this crazy train wreck.... My messed up life delivered to the masses.

Does anyone even read it? - and if they do, is it really something I want them to know? The reality is that no one, or at least only a small portion of the populace, has viewed it. I have had almost 20,000 views, but judging by my last post most of those views were perhaps in the beginning – and probably by accident. It’s amazing how many countries have happened upon it, but... Don’t get me wrong, I like expressing myself, I like to demonstrate that it’s OK to talk about mental illness, I hope it helps people to know they’re not alone, and that there are loads of options for help... Anyway, off topic, well not really off topic, so much as...

So any whoooooo... an answer to the above conundrum is not any easy one_____

I have been feeling kind of OK (knock on wood)...sure I still want to kill myself, but I’m a little less depressed – I blame rTMS and drugs – I have been getting rTMS treatments every two weeks, and that seems to be working that and Zeldox. I am not sure if I have already mentioned Zeldox, and if I have I apologise for the duplication – but it’s something that warrants repeating. You should check with your pdoc, it really seems to help balance my mood. My pdoc might be a dick sometimes, but he’s a smart one.....

I have a family member dealing with some major health issues (both mental and more relevant physical) – I’m not a religious man, but I’m still praying for him___ perhaps if you can give him a little shout out to the deity of your faith, it may help in some positive way.  

I started a creative writing class on Wednesday, October 2. It was kinda boring, but hopefully it will get more exciting as we go – and of course the only people asking questions, the same questions over and over again, were people that ummm were kind of ummm)...I decided upon entering the room that I wouldn’t be me – Instead I was confidant and outgoing. I made jokes. I chatted up some pretty ladies. I was kinda awesome. My son, after hearing my tale, figured I was “manic” or at least “mixed”. J But I wasn’t – I was just excited. In the class I even volunteered to be the first person to introduce themselves – Whaaaat???? I know right... After I told them that I used to work in the film industry, and that I have been writing (or attempting to write) scripts and that two were optioned - the teacher kept looking at me every time she made a point and on occasion asked me for my affirmation with whatever lesson she was trying to instruct. Let’s just say my meager writing accomplishments were more impressive then hers (those who can’t, teach) kidding no offence teachers you all rock in my world – except the mean ones. She does have a degree and such, so.... she wins! It’s only one night a week for the next 8 weeks (2.5 hours long, ugh). J It was nice to be out with people enjoying the same pastime. It made me actually want to go to University, not back to the University of Athabasca, but to a physical school with real live people... It just felt so good... and so many HOT girls!

I guess that’s all I have – I’ll ponder the merits of keeping this blog going over the next couple of weeks – either way there will be at least one more post.

Until next time Blogonians [blawg-awn-ee-uh n]s...

Dan