Hello great and powerful world... I had a pretty good day.
It started early with helping a friend, then a nice lunch with my son. Spent a
little time cleaning, and then took a 'back break' on the couch. We ended the evening
at my sons drum lessons.
So I must admit my mood has been pretty good. I, once again,
didn't get any writing done, but like I said I did some cleaning so the day
wasn't a complete waste. I still have quite a few things to clean, but I am on
track to having it all done for Saturday (knock on wood or some other superstitious
tradition). No I am pretty confidant all will get done, although I must admit I
am 'hoping' that I can sleep-in tomorrow. Pathetic I know, but I think I will
do the two sleeping pills again and this time have no alarm clock set to ruin
any sleep that I am granted. Oh how amazing it would be to get some sound
sleep. The double dose of Zopiclone even masks the pain, but I know I can't do
two for too many nights or it to will become less effective. Sleep how I miss
you. Although we never really met, I still think I love you. J
Obviously observing these past couple of days, excluding the
back issue, keeping busy is very helpful towards being in a happier place. The
back is hampering what that can look like, as is the anxiety and lack of
motivation; but perhaps baby steps...
I have really started to notice what a huge part anxiety
plays in my life ever since I started the daily mood diary. I mean I knew it
was there, but just didn't realize how prevalent. I wonder, how does
fear/anxiety play in other people's lives. For example the other day we were
going to the dentist for a teeth cleaning, I was not afraid of the dentist, the
work, the cleaning, etc. But I was afraid of going, I was afraid of having to
talk to the people, I was terrified of checking in with the receptionist, I was
freaking out that there would be other people in the waiting room... I was so
scared I thought up and rehearsed a script over and over again hoping to appear
OK/normal/perfect. I spend a lot of time doing that, including grocery
shopping, getting gas, going to someone's house, having people over, anything
that involves people. Until the mood diary I just really didn't notice myself
doing it, it just happens automatically. No wonder my stomach is so screwed up,
as I am tense 98% of the time.
Another tidbit of a nitwit... Oh what a dark and stormy
place, Dan's mind. I hope you enjoyed your visit, please come again and often
(that's what she said)... J
Talk to y'all tomorrow...
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