What a letdown oh Easter Sunday...

My Dog

Yesterday was such an event - today Leftover Eating Day got cancelled due to my mom feeling ill. My son went for supper with his mom - so me and the dog had a quiet Easter Dinner together, consisting of leftover tacos as I was too lazy to get out all of yesterdays food, just for one person...

One of the cupcakes my niece made

At least there was leftover chocolate and cupcakes - I had no problem bringing those out for one person and eating enough for three.

I did go from moping to writing - so that was good. I added 15 pages - 8 scenes to my Zombie Movie. Although I am somewhat concerned as the scenes are very graphic and violent - so much so to give the movie a pretty mature rating. Although I am thinking if I ever was lucky enough to get it produced it would probably go straight to video.

Anyway, mood... Hmmm... I actually noticed a decline about two or three hours ago. Not tied to anything. It didn't happen right after the cancellation of Leftover Day. It wasn't before, during, or right after the lonely supper. The shadows just started to bleed into the light, making everything a little darker. Two sleeps to a treatment, maybe a week is too long. I have had a couple of bouts of suicidal ideation over the last few days, but tonight over just a few hours I have had three or four. One second just thinking about writing or chocolate or what to watch on TV and then suddenly I am thinking how better the world would be with me gone. It is the strangest thing. Something I could probably learn to live without... thank you very much.

Even now writing this I am being inundated with them, they are coming more frequent and a bit stronger. So I think it might be in my best interest to keep this short, as I am sure I have mentioned in past posts, journaling has always made such matters worse.

However, before closing this I should have a plan for the rest of the evening. I think I will take my medications early, as I am pretty tired. Then get in my jammies and big warm housecoat, turn off the lights, get comfy on the couch and watch a couple of funny shows I have PVR'd. Then hit the hay early. Tomorrow I am helping a friend, checking up on my mom (sadly via phone as will be out all day - I am a horrible son), and hopefully eating leftovers...

Talk to y'all tomorrow...