Wow I missed a great hail storm over my house... When I got
home all the trees were shredded, the flowers squashed, and the grass looked
like it was covered in snow. My son said it lasted about twenty minutes, and it
appears the hail was as big as grapes.
Anyway, it feels like months since I last posted - not sure
if I missed it or not. I figure since nothing is happening in my life, the
posts are getting more and more boring. My mood has been holding pretty steady
- not one suicidal thought for what must be two weeks now - a complete and
utter miracle. I am still battling the anxiety, which is hampering living...
What do I mean by that??? I guess I find my fears pressing me to stay home, to
stay in bed, to not do anything for fear of failure. I am terrified of living.
I am finally in a better place emotionally to live, but am so afraid to
participate. I have no idea if that makes sense.
I spoke with the
spine clinic today - just thought I would check in and see how it works and
whether they had my referral. Apparently my referral is not yet in the system,
but she said that didn't mean they haven't received it. She also let me know that
it takes anywhere from 14 to 16 weeks from the time they receive my referral to
my hearing from them. She also mentioned something about getting notified and
me scheduling online once I pay a fee - a what???? So I have no idea if this
place will be helpful, or if it will lead to just a lot more waiting for
nothing - and a fee.... Wtf??? Until then I have been taking Tylenol as
requested by my family doc, to no avail - so I made an appointment with him for
next week to discuss the cortisone injections - good times... I only hope I get
in fast for the damn needles, and that they work. I remember last time it was
such a pain to go get them because you can't drive after, so I need to hitch a
ride... I hate inconveniencing people. I hate asking for help, and it's all I
seem to be doing...
Well enough of my babbling I shall head off and either watch
TV or my iPad or bug my son... Not sure which???
Talk to y'all tomorrow...
Dan,
ReplyDeleteMy parents just got back from their vacation to BC this week. They mentioned that the weather there was not very good as in really cold. We are having a strange year for weather that's for sure.
Regarding your statement about your blog becoming boring. I still read it in hopes that over time your mood continues to improve. It seems to me that it maybe a good idea to start writing about some goals you wish to accomplish no matter how small. Even big goals can be broken down into smaller ones so they become more manageable. I'm sure you know this already but goals are positive so keep that in mind.
-Kevin
Thank you Kevin - yes the weather does seem to be all over the place, I mean we are used to the weather changing every few minutes but it seems more extreme of late. I like your idea about writing about goals. I will attempt to do so over the next several posts. It will be a work in progress, with some hopeful success...
DeleteDan