What a beautiful day...

Another great and hot day... Summer is awesome - to anyone that complained it's too hot, don't cause snow will be here soon enough. J

Started the day on the slow again, slept in but not very late. I am not sure why I say 'slept' in, as rarely am I actually sleeping mostly I am lying there arguing with myself on whether I should get up or just stay in bed... Anyway, I finally got up and had my usual toast and tea - and then I had to tidy the house in preparation of my guests arriving. With the house ready I sat and read a little Maclean's magazine while I waited. My house was extremely hot (not complaining), so I suggested they come an hour later to see if it would be cooler - it wasn't... J We had an awesome bbq of potatoes and onions, corn on the cob and steak. I still need more practise grilling steak, I cannot seem to find the happy medium of properly cooked - it's either over or under ugh.

My company was going to stay until it was time for the fireworks, but they decided to leave early so my mom could have her van in the morning. They will hopefully get to see them next week... I feel bad they didn't. I also feel bad as I think my son really wanted to play Rock Band, but we didn't do that either...

Tomorrow I get another rTMS treatment and can report things are going pretty good. I have noticed I have been feeling a little 'strange', not like myself, and not completely in a good way. I find myself distracted when people are talking to me, like I tuned them out but don't realise it right away. I also feel a little grumpier than usual, kind of easy to fly off the handle - which is really not like me... I am also concerned about my memory, now it hasn't ever been great, but it hasn't ever been this bad. I am finding it more and more difficult to remember things whether it's an old or new memory. I just find it hard to take in things, like I will read an article and realise at the end I am not really sure I understood what I read because I didn't retain any of it. I am hoping it is because my brain has been under utilized, for so long that I have to get it back up and running, but truthfully I am concerned. Lack of concentration and irritability are not good signs. Whether it be from all the medications I have been on over the years, or the depression and manias, or now all the rTMS treatment, or even a combination of all the above - I am worried that I won't be able to get my memory back. Always something to worry about, I never seem to have trouble finding something to be anxious over.

So sorry this post wasn't about goals, as I had hoped but perhaps my next post...

Talk to y'all tomorrow...