So a pretty all round slow day. I went for my rTMS treatment
in the early afternoon, came home had an hour or so of just tidying and
hanging, and then boom like a ton of bricks the exhaustion hit at the post two
hour mark. I would love to know if that happens to all rTMS patients, or if is
an individual thing.
So after basically wasting the entire afternoon in bed
wishing I could sleep, I finally felt less tired and got up. My son and I went
out for a bit, and then back home to blog, do some more laundry, and if he has
his way some Rock Band.
My mood is still holding fine, and I haven't had another
suicidal ideation since yesterday. But I didn't succeed on my goal of getting
the email addresses for the government officials I need to get my letters to...
I am so missing that motivation - that's great the mood is holding at this
spot, but where is the ability to be/feel motivated, and less anxiety - great I
don't want to kill myself, but on the other hand I still don't seem to be able
to live... The doc/nurse that gives me my treatments asked when was the last
time I felt that motivation, and sadly I think I haven't felt true sustainable
motivation since the first time I got rTMS like two years ago (the time that my
pdoc thinks I was manic) - I am sure there must be a way to be motivated
without mania - if not give me my damn mania back - that was an awesome time...
Bad for the brain, but still damn awesome. Tomorrow I help my friend, and
perhaps in the evening my son and I might go shopping for some clothes. I need
a pair of jeans bad like... J
Talk to y'all tomorrow...
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