What the hell is going on? I once again wasted the day in
bed. I just couldn't get up, and not because I was tired, I barely slept the
whole time. Everything just felt overwhelming - and the longer I laid in bed
the worse I felt, and the worse I felt the harder it was to get out of bed. I
just laid there ruminating over everything I should be doing, where I should
be, how this was not the life I wanted for me and my son, etc, etc... It was a
horrible snowball effect. Thankfully my son had a doctor appointment he needed
to get to, so I had to get up; but even then I almost didn't, I started by
telling him he can take the bus. Then I eventually realized that I should at
least get him to the LRT. I am a horrible parent. Once out of the house I
forced myself to do a 30 minute walk in the park, as instructed by my pdoc. I
have been told I need to do at least 30 minutes per day of some form of exercise.
It sucks with my back, as I can't go that fast so I am not sure how much
benefit I am getting (I know it's better than not doing it). I need to find a
local pool with exercise equipment. I have a pass that gives me a reduced rate,
so it needs to be a city facility. The pool closest to where I live doesn't
look like it has a gym. Ugh! I am thinking a stationary bike would be easier on
the back, and I can actually get my heart rate up...
So I walked and listened to music for a half an hour, then
came home and sat like a vegetable in front of the TV, once again playing the
negative talk over and over again in my head. I hate that so much. So I think
my mom has convinced me to give the Calgary Counselling Centre another chance.
They provide counselling services at a reduced rate. The cost per hour is based
on your income. It sucks because its downtown, and for the most part you get a
graduate student not an experienced doctor. But it is so painfully obvious I
need something, and sooner than later... It looks like you can apply online for
their services, perhaps I will give that a try. I have used their services a
couple of times in the past, and was less than impressed but maybe this time
will be better. There I applied - they said I should hear from a Counsellor in
the next few days...
Well I sure hope tomorrow is a better day... Thankfully I
have to get up early to take my son to get his stitches removed, and perhaps at
the same time get a definitive on whether he has a concussion or not.
PLEASE be a better day...
Talk to y'all tomorrow...
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