Started the day off with a lovely brunch meeting – good food
and good conversation.
Then the treatment – went well as always… got the ‘exercise’
talk. I hate exercise, but I understand the importance of it in physical
health, mental health, and sleep. My inability to sleep is harming my success,
hopefully with more activity and a crap load of drugs J I will start to get
some (sleep not drugs).
After my treatment I went for another brisk walk in Bowness
Park – nice but kind of boring, and a wee bit chilly.
Then in the early evening my friend and I ventured downtown (in
this freak snow storm – which thankfully we took the LRT) to the central
library, to join a Creative Writing Group… Very strange – the people and the
adventure. We were late, thanks to the crap weather. So we walk in, find a seat, and this woman
sitting at the head of the U shape table setup, keeps giving us this weird
look. It was uncomfortable, and then she finally speaks and says to my friend, “So
are you ready for the assignment”. Oh lord… J So the assignment write a story that includes Chocolate,
a love letter, and a kiss – and you have to write either as a teenager,
convicted felon, or a blind person. K, big deal, I start hammering it out, but
then after about 15 to 20 minutes she says so who wants to read their story out…
WHAT???? Read out loud….. WHAT???? So I guess
since we were 10 minutes late we missed the rest of the instructions that
included we had 30 minutes to write, and then had to share with the group
(about 14 people give or take). So I didn’t get to finish my story, and I held
out till the very end hoping I wouldn’t be the only person not wanting to read.
I had to read it, ugh. Perhaps I will share it on here sometime (it wasn’t that
great).
AJ has some more great questions and suggestions which include;
wondering what my mom remembers of my childhood and what she saw that can now be
understood as my symptoms, also my father, and my siblings (sister with the
initial D, don’t comment on this one save it for the blog post where I will ask
you to comment lol).
I guess I will continue from yesterday’s blog post and try
and talk about my teenage life, including school. When I transitioned from
elementary to Jr High (grades 7, 8, 9), it was a scary, very, very, scary time
for me. I basically lost all of my friends, because they were unafraid to try
new things, and probably because I was strange. I did meet a couple of new
people through band, and other classes, but no really close friends like I had
in elementary school. I am not sure how I survived grade 7. In grade 8 it was the same problems, except I
also had the pleasure of enduring some minor bullying. I was the perfect target
over weight, super shy, and scared of everything. I remember one day I just couldn’t take it
anymore, they would come up behind me and flick me in the back of the head, it
fricking hurt. Finally one day, I turned around full on balling my eyes out and
yelled as loud as I could for him to just leave me the beep alone. I remember
the shock on his face, as he spun around and walked the other way. They pretty
much left me alone after that, pretty much. My Jr high experience just kept
getting worse, as I would search out seclusion at any opportunity. I played
sick a lot! I remember in Gym, we would have these stupid health competitions. Endurance, strength, etc one of them was
measuring your body fat – yes in front of all the kids in my Gym class they
measure a chunk of your fat, with these pinchy things – I almost died literally.
Man those people (School Admin, teachers, etc) were cruel – not sure what
outcome they were hoping for, but if it was my humiliation they succeeded. So I
kept skipping Gym and other classes – I was always sick, and it helped that I
have IBS (didn’t know that at the time) – so whenever I ate or got nervous,
stand back I need the bathroom… I missed so much of grade 9 that I almost didn’t
pass into grade 10.
Oh grade 10 – so here is a kid that is scared of his own shadow,
can’t make friends, and has way too many sick days – what does he ask but to go
to the largest high school in the city. Was that a good combination NOPE… and
no mom if you are reading this, letting me go there was not the issue – no matter
where I went the outcome would have been the same – I was sick, and we didn’t
know it. So I only lasted half a semester. Yep you heard me – I am a high
school dropout. My poor mom suffers from
migraines, so I sadly used that for my benefit and faked the world’s worst
headache. I went to specialists. I had a CAT scan, etc. Surprisingly they could
not find anything, hmmm. My mom started to catch on, and sent me to a Psychologist.
However, I stupidly played him like a
fiddle. He tried everything including hypnosis. I pretended to be under, and
told him everything he wanted to hear. I wasted a lot of people’s time and a
lot of my mom’s money. I also went to a Psychiatrist at the old Holy Cross
Hospital. I got to sit in a small room with a student doctor, who asked me all
sorts of questions, while the Psychiatrist and more students watched through a
one-way mirror. It was unnerving. The whole thing culminated with my poor mom,
me and about 6 or more white coats in a medium sized room. Sitting in chairs
that formed a circle, the pdoc nicely berated my mom, pretty much telling her
she was a terrible mother, and that she should just force me to go to school –
good times – He had my mom in tears, and nothing was resolved.
One thing I forgot to mention, and I am not sure I ever told
anyone, but when my mom was out, whether at a function or working one of the
hundred jobs she had to have to afford for us to live. I would be panicked
about her safety. I would obsess about it the whole time she was gone, it was terrifying.
Anyway, that is a glimpse into my teens. I guess I could add,
that from dropping out of school I landed a great job for the Olympics, (at 16,
and became a supervisor within a year – the youngest person working there). I
had my first real relationship at that same time. I guess I shocked a lot of
people, as they all thought I was gay… J Not that there is anything wrong with that, kidding.
I like gay men. They, for the most part,
have great taste in clothes, they smell good, they work at looking good, and
they generally are not into sports (hmmm, I wonder why they thought I was gay).
Well my meds are kicking in so I should get to bed – I hope that answers some
more of your questions AJP, please let me know if it didn’t or if you have
more.
Before I go here is an interesting website:
Talk to y’all tomorrow…
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