Sorry about the slowdown in writing. My son maturely, and
thankfully, decided he needed to go the hospital, as he wasn't feeling safe. He was admitted yesterday. They have
increased one of his medications, as they can monitor him closely while he is
there. He has not met the psychiatrist that he has been assigned due to the
long weekend. He will meet her tomorrow, at which time I hope we will find out
how long he will be in there and what the plan is. Thanks to the rTMS, I am
handling this situation quite well. Pre rTMS I would have been crying my eyes
out, and completely lost. With rTMS I am able to hold it together, and stay
strong working towards helping my son.
I promised/mentioned that I would talk about my ‘hypomania’.
I must admit I have had very few
episodes. The most common symptom I have been blessed with is over spending.
Money is a trigger, too little money I crash and burn (complete and udder
darkness – then the suicide thoughts). If I have a little bit of money, I have
the need to spend. When I shop I get a high, it makes me feel good. Then when I
get home, and look at the stuff and my empty bank account I once again crash. I
have wasted loads of money and credit over the years – LOADS of credit… I am
sorry I cannot describe it more clearly. I can hear some peoples thoughts as
they are reading this, “I love shopping for new things and I buy things even if
I don’t have the money”… It’s not the same – mine is an uncontrollable compulsion.
I cannot (or could not as hopefully we have this under control now), stop
myself. No one can stop me. Just ask my mom, she has witnessed this way
too many times.
A couple of other episodes have included anger. I am not
generally an angry kind of guy, in fact I am pretty laid back (except when I drive).
During these angry hypo episodes, I become very irritable, and snap very
easily. Thankfully they haven’t happened very often.
Other episodes (which sadly I loved) had me feeling
energized, ready to take over the world. The most recent occurred suddenly. I
think it was around the last or second last treatment. I was driving home from a late movie, and boom
all of a suddenly I was the best driver in the world ever. I stomped on my gas
pedal, and took off. I sped home at high speeds, zipping around the other cars.
Thankfully I survived, I guess… The time before that I will assume was when I
thought the treatment worked 2 years ago. I was feeling like I just mentioned,
plus things felt clearer. The sun shone brighter, and felt warmer. Food tasted
better, my daughter was funnier (kidding kid) J Sometimes I don’t know when I am having one… so it’s
hard to recall them all.
Here are some other interesting links:
A curious documentary:
Flight From Darkness: Bipolar Disorder Documentary
We need this in Canada:
Glenn Close and her sister who suffers with bipolar:
Talk to y’all tomorrow…
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