SO I had a nice visit with my son. I had a really nice
dinner with a good friend and mentor. Came home and wondered if I should take
my life – WTF…
This mind I have been blessed/cursed/stuck with is
maddening!!!
How can things go from enjoyable to darkness so fast –
although I am very thankful that at least I can now enjoy some non-dark
moments.
Well that is pretty much ALL I have….
I go for another maintenance treatment tomorrow, then I have
two more next week – then none for a week while my pdoc is away gaining more
insight into rTMS in the US of A, then upon his return I will be either
shifting to once a week or who knows… hmmm
I just keep wondering….What if we would have went one more
week? What if we reduced to 4 per week for a few weeks, then 3, etc? What if we
never added that new drug? OR is this it…. A little good mixed with a bunch of
bad………………………?
I am just not sure. When I am in these moods where suicidal
thoughts try and reintroduce themselves I just don’t know if I want to live the
rest of my life like this. I know in the morning things may and probably will
look different, but seriously I am too tired to fight this fight over and over
again.
Talk to y’all tomorrow…
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