I'm not suicidal, much (not worrisome wise anyway)… I am not
really sad, just kind of blah. I have NO drive. There is so much I want to do,
but I find it impossible to get started. And I am pretty lonely - but still
just want to hide...
I reorganized my bedroom – and destroyed my back, I can barely
walk. Maybe the change up will help my sleeping, or something.
I had thought of something to write earlier today, however,
sitting down at this crap computer I cannot remember, ugh…
So here is scene 1 of the short I started writing as a spoof of my
rTMS treatments………
A Magnetic Personality©
By Dan Routly
1 INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM -- NIGHT
POV of Nathan bright lights, but out of focus, we see the chaotic
movement of nurses and doctors. Nathan, is in and out of consciousness,
the screen goes dark when he is out. We hear bits and pieces of what the
nurses and doctors say when his eyes are open.
EMERGENCY DOCTOR 1
(controlledpanic)
We need to get him
intubated stat.
EMERGENCY NURSE 1
(handing the doctor the
intubation equipment)
Here doctor.
Darkness after a beat Nathan's eyes open still blurred brightness
and shadows.
EMERGENCY NURSE 2
(panicked)
Doctor we are losing
him.
EMERGENCY NURSE 1
(controlled panic)
His blood pressure is
dropping doctor.
Darkness after a beat Nathan's eyes open still blurred brightness
and shadows.
EMERGENCY DOCTOR 1
(yelling to anyone)
I need more charcoal.
Darkness after a beat Nathan's eyes open still blurred brightness
and shadows.
EMERGENCY DOCTOR 1
(yelling to Emergency
Nurse 1)
We need the crash cart.
Darkness after a beat Nathan's eyes open, once more and we see the
shadowy movements of the nurses and doctors. We hear the heart monitor
beeping a slow rhythm. The rhythm is slowing, slowing, flat line...
FADE OUT:
Talk to y’all tomorrow…
Dan, I finally had the chance to catch up on your blog. I was getting way behind! I'm ready for Scene 2! I'm so impressed by your courage to share so many deep feelings and experiences. I'll never understand where your ideas that you are uninteresting or boring come from. Of course I know it is the illness, but I hope some day you'll let go of those notions. You are one of the funniest guys I've ever met.
ReplyDeleteThere are many things I want to comment on and suggestions on how to move forward with your journey to good health.....I worry most about your impatience. I have to keep talking to myself, "Baby steps!! Baby steps in the right direction!!" You're not going to magically step out of the cold darkness and immediatly adjust to the warm light. There will be steps backwards, an urge to shade your eyes and a desire to crawl back into the cave. There'll be icy, dark days where the only positive you could claim is that you are still here. You've taken some giant leaps! Can you believe it was YOU who brought rTMS to your town? On a bad day, try to remind yourself of that. Think of the folks who will benefit from that in the future. You started and have faithfully kept up with a daily blog! I don't think you have given yourself enough credit for this. It's huge, and you're helping others by it. It's neccessary to recognize and allow yourself credit for these things. But also, and maybe more importantly, your baby steps. Going out to walk and taking beautiful pictures to share with us. Going to the writing group at the library and reading what you wrote even though you weren't happy with it...huge in my eyes, but maybe just great big baby steps to you. Keep trying some baby steps; they're progress in the right direction. I'd like to hear more about your history with bipolar. Being unipolar myself, I don't really understand the other pole. You don't mention much about hypomania. How often have you had that and what's it like? Is that what you've experienced when you've been in love?
Thank you so much Mary. I truly appreciate your kind words. I will try and talk about my hypomania in my Saturday's post.
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