Just a brief post...

My mom had a fall outside earlier today - she is fine, except for the scrapes, bruises, and the big bump on her head - hopefully no concussion. My one sister thankfully took her to the Urgent Care, and my other sister is mom-sitting tonight. My son and I went there to help put furniture and stuff back that my mom moved to have her carpets cleaned. There was a lot of stuff, none of which we knew where to put away - did learn that we should have been there to help her move it in the first place - not going to win the 'World's Greatest Son' Award. I am very thankful my sisters were there to help her!!!!!!

Anyway, except for that excitement my day was sleeping in and watching TV. My mood is in a strange place - it's not complete darkness, but... I have been hit with waves of sadness and suicidal thoughts. I caught myself thinking that I have finished this fight, and that there is no hope for a 'normal' life. Death is the only answer. I did snap out of it, but it has continually resurfaced.

I want to except there is no 'normal' for me that I have Bipolar Disorder and that is that, but I so hunger for healthy. To have 'normal' moods and 'normal' reactions to life situations - not the flawed ones I have now. But I need to stop writing, as I am just getting overwhelmed by those feelings of giving up...

Talk to y'all tomorrow...