Well my day off wasn’t a complete waste. Although I slept in
(meaning laid in bed tossing and turning past when I should have gotten up)… I
went out and got a couple of errands done – prescription filled for my son, and
the purchase and replacement of a windshield wiper. I know what you’re
thinking, ‘wow’ ‘amazing’ ‘incredible’ – get off me (as my son would say) small
things to you are HUGE things to me J
Me and my Grandma (and Chico the dog)
But to make the day actually have some true worth, I was
able to help a friend out today (in a very small way, but still it is nice to
help people). Then I cooked a boring supper, did some laundry, called my
father, watered the plants, and am now wondering what the heck happened to me…
kidding Thank goodness for auto-pilot. I
wouldn’t get anything done if it wasn’t for turning off the grey matter, and
just going through the motions.
Anyway, things were accomplished and I am hopefully ready
for a new week… this is potentially the last weekend of ‘unhealthy Dan’s’ existence.
I am sorry. I am not sure if you noticed,
but I am extremely sentimental. I dread and hate the end of things. Parties,
holidays, people, special events - the anxiety, and the excitement build
leading up to whatever it is, and then the thing happens, and when it is over I
am so lost. I am strangely feeling that now, with the lasts of this and that
for ‘unhealthy’ but familiar ‘Dan’. Although I should be overjoyed about the end
of ‘unhealthy Dan’, I still have the fear of loss, and I guess I am also afraid
of whom ‘healthy Dan’ might be.
I only had the pleasure of being ‘healthy Dan’ for less than
a week, over a year ago. I don’t know
him, or how to be him. What if he is a complete dink? Hell more importantly
what if he doesn’t show up?
I have zillions of years practice, and acquaintance with ‘unhealthy
Dan’; even IF this treatment works, I have a lot of work to do to put my life
back in order. I realize this is something I should not even be pondering, as
obviously my thoughts and beliefs are still tainted by my messed up brain. My
mind is just on overdrive, bouncing from this to that. I wish I could shut it
off for a little while, and just veg.
The Rocky Mountains less than an hour west of where I live
So…… let’s say this treatment does work – yes let’s try and
stay in the positive (I will pretend it is a narrative and not me). So the
treatment works for ‘Dan’, I think he should have a small social gathering to
celebrate – what do you think? Nothing big or fancy (frankly this Dan or narrative
Dan have NO money), but some little function with cake J You just have to have
cake at a celebration… Well let’s put that on the back burner, and get through
this week shall we……………….
Tomorrow is another day, ugh… one foot in front of the
other, one day at a time, and all those other annoying things people say to you
when life is sucking!!!!!
Bow Valley Provincial Park, Many Springs Trail
Talk to y’all tomorrow!
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