Well 2012 started with a strange twist... I was enjoying New Years Eve with my family, eating, playing games, etc. Then just moments before the countdown, I am recruited to help in the rescue of two stranded 'drunk' teenage girls. I know what your thinking 'pervert', but no my son's friend who was staying at our house received the distress call. I made the boys wait until the countdown was over, popped the top off some sparkling apple cider, clinked glasses in a short celebration, then bid my guests a quick farewell and took off to save the fair maidens. However, they were not fair nor maiden like. :) Long story short, we got them home after lots of negotiating, threatening, and tears; oh yes and driving. A great distraction, and something new; can't say I have ever spent a New Years quite like that, and I did want to switch it up for 2012.
I wish I could say all is well, but I would be lying. I did have another nice meal with mom, sis, my son and his friend, but I sit here now freaking out about money and fighting thoughts of ending my life. Money is one of my BIG triggers. If my balance is dangerously low (which it always is), I go into complete shut-down mode. I can think of nothing else, but failure, hatred for myself, and death. Yet on the other hand if I find myself with money (a very rare occasion), I have to fight with myself not to spend it. I get a rush, a high, when I spend money. Always followed by a huge crash, a deep dark 'super' depression. Anyway, I am having one of the 'dangerously low', can't pay all my bills moments; oh Christmas how I love the.... ;)
So I will continue to try and use this medium, to distract myself, and countdown to my treatments that I hope start in 7 to 8 days. I also look forward to report on the success of those treatments (he once again says with doubt in his voice - (the voice in his head)).
Happy New Year people!!!!
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