I must share a great quote I heard today while watching the
movie, ‘Contagion’. “Blogging isn’t writing. It’s graffiti with punctuation.” I am not sure about the movie itself, but I thought
the quote was funny…..
I should have done something today, instead of just staying at
home. Obviously the treatment is only part of the equation to getting to ‘healthy
Dan’. Of course once the treatment kicks in to gear other things like exercise,
being social, getting therapy, etc will be easier to partake in… But just
adding something positive/fun/interesting will probably go a long way.
I think I might harass my good friend ‘SA’ (to keep her anonymous).
She has threatened to drag me to lots of crazy things at the library and such. I
guess I should take her up on that. I believe her last threat was yoga, yikes…
I just find it hard to get up and moving, just so tired………
But, but, but, but ‘just do it’, easier said than done.
A good friend asked a good question today on Facebook, “Dan,
the last time you where treated (rTMS) was there a gradual onset of your
symptoms or a more sudden burst toward light?”
My reply, “Last time I noticed a change near the 15th
treatment. It took a bit for me to even recognize the change, which was the
loss of suicidal ideation. Just one day I realized suicide wasn't even in my
thought process any more, and I couldn't fathom taking my own life. It was
strange and terrifying, as it was such a huge part of my life and then it was
gone. I had to figure out a different way to deal with life problems, etc. When
it came to the actual feeling of ‘happiness’, ‘motivation’, and ‘excitement
towards life’ that seemed to appear suddenly near the end perhaps the 19th or
20th treatment....”
So sort of inline with that of the onetime rTMS worked, my
thoughts of suicide, although not completely gone, sure have decreased. I am
really hoping this last week of fulltime treatments, pull me into the the happy
place. Thankfully my awesome pdoc and his team have told me that they are happy
to extend the treatment another week of 5 treatments in a row, if need be. They
have also signed on to do a gradual decrease in the weaning off phase. There
really is no official protocol for rTMS maintenance treatments. Both the nurse
at my pdocs clinic, and I have done a ton of research into what others are
doing, but nothing is documented. I personally believe, based on my limited
experience of getting the treatment, that a gradual decrease in the number of
weekly treatments is what is needed.
My pdoc and his team are going to a weeklong rTMS conference
and training seminar in the US of A in March, so hopefully they come back with
some interesting info…. (And hopefully their being away doesn’t ruin anything
we may have accomplished by then… oh ‘unhealthy Dan’ and your negative thoughts’.
Anyway, I think I will signoff now, as I started writing a
short script (kind of a goofy rTMS story)… I am hoping to have it done over the
next few days, so I can post it on here. Although my son and his friend are
being super loud playing Rock Band, apparently they think they can sing, and
therefore do it very loudly…………
Talk to y’all tomorrow….
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