So yeah, with my title including the word sex my readership
was way up for yesterday’s blog post J
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Good day today, treatment went well, great talk with my
pdoc, awesome visit with my son, and a quiet (but boring) evening… (Only thing that would have made it better, would have been doing all of those things on the beach...)
I feel – I think normal… I am having some financial troubles
thanks to some extra expenses and a broken car, so I am sad about that. I am
sure a ‘normal’ person would be sad about that too, so I am trying to do as my
pdoc’s partner said, “think about the positives and try to view this as a short
term issue”… trying.
Normal -------- What is normal?
Barely anybody understands ‘me’, not even me. This Bipolar
thing is fricken ridiculous. But in the reverse, I am finding it difficult to
understand how you ‘norms’ out there operate when it comes to your feelings,
emotions, etc… Like how do you take a moment, like this financial crisis, and weather
the storm. How do you suffer through that situation, and not go to complete
meltdown??? Thankfully I think I understand the suicide part, as it is very
much attached to the illness. When I am ‘healthy’ or even semi-healthy the
suicidal thoughts don’t exist. While the rTMS is working the suicidal thoughts
have literally disappeared. It is amazing, and strange. But the not spiraling
to some depressive place is something I am not sure I can relearn or do…
Oh well here I am sitting alone… Alone hmmm…
Why does a person who is afraid of meeting and talking to
people think he would feel better around people? I know sitting at home alone
is not conducive to a healthy life (obviously some alone time is healthy and
very necessary, but too much of something is never good). But it is safer to
just stay hidden……………………………………………………
Too deep for me tonight, perhaps if I wasn’t feeling strange
I would be better prepared to dig deeper.
Talk to y’all tomorrow…
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