Time feels like it is slipping away....

So today like yesterday, and the day before has been filled with pain.

My son and I went to the dentist (yes I probably should have cancelled, but I didn't). The Hygienist was very careful, but the dentist not so much (although he didn't know about my back). The time spent in the waiting room and the drive back and forth were the most painful... But enough of that!

I am feeling so very low today.

The brain scan of the hypomanic and depressed phase

I feel worthless.

I feel useless.

I feel bleak.

I feel exhausted.

I feel frustrated.

I feel like enough is enough.

I feel like I am not supposed to be here.

Sadly the treatment yesterday did not give me the lift I was hoping for.  I only hope the second one on Friday does. I can't let this darkness over come me, but it seems to have the upper hand today.  I was in that dark place; making plans - figuring why I should, and why I shouldn't - the pros and cons of living list. The why I should end it list was a lot longer today. The suicidal ideation has pretty much past, but I will admit not completely. I am trying to concentrate on something some if not all reading this will think stupid, but it is something that being the warm weather promised tomorrow. I plan, pain or no pain, to take a little walk in the park - even if only for a few minutes. Maybe I should see if my mom wants to join me???????? I am sure the kid would rather not, but it would be nice to have someone there to talk to and to help me if I fall J

This is the park by my house,
but it won't look like this for a month or more

Hopefully when I write my post tomorrow I will be able to include some happy moments from a nice walk.

Talk to y'all tomorrow...