Easter chocolate it's everywhere, and getting cheaper by the
second. Hello Wal-Mart and your already cheaper prices, please feel free to
help me fill this giant grocery cart with all the chocolate wonders. I have
such a weakness for that delightful, once a delicacy of the yonder years. Milk
or dark I will inhale either, although I am not so fond of white. I really
enjoy milk chocolate and peanut butter, any shape or size - Hello chocolate and
peanut butter, there ain't nutin better - Ok fine, sex is better, and a more
heart healthier choice, but for now chocolate is more plentiful - just saying. J
I am sure I gained five pounds over the weekend thanks to
the amazing food, and chocolate. I keep hoping one day I will wake up and find
my desire to eat has been reduced, but not so far. I love eating and none of it
healthy - before, when I lost so much weight, I did so by moderation. I still
ate what I wanted, just less of it and had huge success. My problem right now
seems to be controlling my portions. Before, when I was successful, I would ask
myself how much/many did I want, and then I would cut that in half. For example
if I figured I wanted a potato, I would eat half of the potato. If I wanted a
sandwich, I would eat half of a sandwich. If I wanted four tacos, I would eat
two tacos. You get the picture... Self control where are you?
Once I find it again - ugh - I hope to enforce it, and with
the weather hopefully getting warmer as we advance towards summer I will optimistically
add some walking to the roster.
I have the desire to change. I just need the strength and
wisdom to do it... Oh how better I would feel 60lbs lighter. I would look so
hot, I mean awesome, I mean healthier... I know without the extra pounds I will
also have more energy, and less pain - so do it already - I know...
My mood has been gradually going downhill, as mentioned
yesterday. I was able to function today, and force myself to concentrate on an
important task I was tending to, but shit it was hard. My mind would wander to
that dark place, and I would have to fight to get out of it. I am exhausted,
and feel so lost again. I keep thinking I am supposed to be somewhere, or do
something - It's almost like I'm in a dream sometimes. Everything seems
cloudy/foggy and strange, like I'm not supposed to be here... so strange,
unnerving, and downright scary at times. I'm pretty tired of this people - Dan
needs a break from his crazy, even just for a bit...
Well as they say, "A day without sunshine is like,
night."
Talk to y'all tomorrow...
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